My baby is exclusively breastfed. Though difficult at first, I find breastfeeding to be the amazing, easiest way out.
No bottle juggling in the middle of the night. No sterilising and formula running out etc.
However the best part of breastfeeding for me is the bonding that comes with it. How she sticks to me while she nurses, how simply anticipating a nursing session makes her giggle endlessly giddy with excitement, how she will sometimes just start suckling on my abdomen in haste because I didn’t scoop her up “in time” how it’s the best remedy to tears no matter what the reason is, the ultimate booboo fixer, the list is endless.
My biggest fear right now is Sassi having her last nursing session without me knowing. For her to stop asking for the boob one fine day and me not knowing the last time I fed her was the last. On the contrary I feel it’ll be even more heartbreaking to know the last time to be the last.
Weaning on the whole scares me. I feel like it’s keeping me together and I will fall apart when it’s over, out of sheer emotional overwhelm.
Especially when I don’t know if this will be the last time she nurses. What if right now is it?
What do I do with myself once this is over? How do I love her? How do I console her when needed?
Here’s what I think I’ll do.
I’ll try to hold myself together, for I gave her the best I possibly could in terms of early nutrition.
I’ll tell her I love her whenever needed. Show her how to love all the time I’m not telling her.
I’ll try my best to be a Gentle Parent and I know I will fail. Many times before I succeed. But I will show her how love wins the race and harsh only the initial warmup. I’ll feed her compliments instead of food from my body and wish it helps her grow into a beautiful, kind and strong human being who is as blessed and loved by those around her as her mother is if not more.
Maybe it’ll work maybe it won’t but my darling girl, you will always know mama loves you. Boob juice or not.