First Solar Return

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I spent the day trying to figure what I was feeling. It was like a constant lump in my throat crossed with ecstatic, rapturous happiness. So polarised. I didn’t know what to do with it. We spent the day in pyjamas. Both Sassi and I. We broke a glass and cleaned the house. We lay on the floor and made art on the air, swishing swooshing arms.
My baby, who I grew inside me completed her first solar return. The sun and the stars returned to exactly where they were the day she was born. Last year.
Being a mum is flaunted as many things but never what it is.
Generosity. It gives you a ginormous heart, capable of absorbing and empathising with the world and more.
It is Perseverance. Crying like there’s no tomorrow yet powering on at full throttle because there’s no other choice. You keep this kiddle alive. That’s your job. You have to sustain it.
Sassi has changed me as a person at an indecipherable angle. I’ve become far more patient about things I would never hold an opinion back on, yet have become extremely gung- ho regarding things I would’ve let go of previously. I just feel new. She’s one with the old souls-y eyes, the all knowing, tissue munching , insect eradicating little mowgli traipsing around the house. Young in her years yet experienced in her Soul.
And though she be but little, she is fierce.
May you always be my fierce little Big Girl Sassi, showing me your toys but holding on tight to those you need. May you put yourself first, yet hold on to the belief that caring for others is of more value to self than it is to them.

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